Lisa Be

By Lisa Be

LifeBuzz Staff

What Some Dads Had To Say On Twitter. #15 Made Me Laugh Out Loud For Real!

Kids say the darndest things and their fathers say some hilarious things too. Here’s what some dads tweeted about.

#1. Shoes

Me: JUST PUT YOUR SHOES ON

4yo: I DONT WANT TO!

Me: JUST PUT THEM ON, THERES ALREADY ENOUGH CONFLICT IN THE WORLD!

4yo: NO THERE ISNT!

— JC (@JCautomatic) > March 10, 2014

#2. Excuses

Only taken Suarez three days to come up with an excuse slightly less plausible than when my 5yo told me teddy had drawn all over the wall.

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) > June 28, 2014

#3. Knock-knock jokes

Me: Knock knock.

My 5yo: Who's there?

Me: Freep.

5yo: Freep what?

Me: What?

5yo: What?

Me: Do you know how Knock Knock jokes work?

5yo: No.

— Dan Wells (@TheDanWells) > March 9, 2014

#4. Airplanes

4yo wanted to play "Planes" so I gave him his breakfast in little plastic dish with his chair pushed against the wall so he had no legroom.

— JC (@JCautomatic) > March 16, 2014

#5. Solutions

Following a boring lecture from dad about the price of land my 5yo hit on the brainwave of multi-storey stables > pic.twitter.com/A6nxanKM04

— Philip Boucher-Hayes (@boucherhayes) > March 4, 2014

#6. Conversations

My 4yo hasn’t stopped talking for 1,381 hours.

— Drew (@DrewExists) > June 28, 2014

#7. Caught in a lie

ME: Did you brush your teeth?

4yo: Yes!

ME: Promise?

4yo: Yes. But I'll do it again.

caught in a lie

— Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) > June 19, 2014

*#8. Perfection**

At breakfast my 5yo told me she was perfect. My reply: A perfect person would know that they weren't perfect.

Chew on that one all day punk

— Matt Connors (@MatthewJConnors) > March 4, 2014

#9. Shoes

Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.

5yo:..

Me:..

5yo:..

Me:..

5yo: I don't have any other feet..

Me: Fair enough.

— Kristján. (@Beau_Ruga) > June 29, 2014

#10. Dessert

Me: Have a cookie!

5yo: Before lunch?

Me: Life's short. Dessert first!

5yo: I'll save it for afters.

Me: Whose child is this? o.O

— Aaron Sikes (@SikesAaron) > June 23, 2014

#11. Dragons

5yo: Dad, when can I get a pet Dragon?

Me: You know Dragons aren't real, right?

5yo: What's that got to do with anything!?

— tchrquotes (@tchrquotes) > June 23, 2014

#12. Pardon

3yo: "Daddy"

Me: "what"

3yo: "you mean pardon"

Me: "pardon"

3yo: "you mean pardon"

Me: "I said pardon"

3yo: "what?"

Glad we cleared that up.

— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) > June 14, 2014

#13. Hurt feelings

I think I'd rather get burned alive than have to watch my 5yo cry because I hurt her feelings again.

— Rocco™ (@JestersDead74) > March 5, 2014

#14. Transformation

4yo standing in front of TV

Me: You know, you make a better door than a window.

Transformation into my father = complete

— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) > June 28, 2014

*#15. Scuba flippers**

Daycare lady: I assume your wife is out of town

Me: Why?

Her: You dressed your kids in scuba flippers.

I couldn’t find the shoe bin.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) > February 11, 2014

#16. Closet monsters

To my 6yo,

I'd like to tell you everything is okay but we are dealing with a closet that has a god damn monster in it. Sweet dreams.

Dad

— Minivan (@myminivanlife) > February 13, 2014

#17. Childhood

Being a > #3yo> is wanting a hard boiled egg, and at the same time, not wanting it boiled. Hating it being boiled! And then you cry. > #childhood

— Michael Schmidt (@IowaSchmidt) > June 24, 2014

#18. Getting ready

Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) > February 13, 2014

#19. Eyebrows

Current status: Getting my eyebrows "waxed" with scotch tape because my 4yo won't take no for an answer.

— Just Brett (@DreamHostBrett) > June 29, 2014

These are funny! I wish Twitter were around when I was a child, would be cool to read what Dad had to say.

Source: good men project

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