What Some Dads Had To Say On Twitter. #15 Made Me Laugh Out Loud For Real!
Kids say the darndest things and their fathers say some hilarious things too. Here’s what some dads tweeted about.
Me: JUST PUT YOUR SHOES ON
4yo: I DONT WANT TO!
Me: JUST PUT THEM ON, THERES ALREADY ENOUGH CONFLICT IN THE WORLD!
4yo: NO THERE ISNT!
— JC (@JCautomatic) > March 10, 2014
Only taken Suarez three days to come up with an excuse slightly less plausible than when my 5yo told me teddy had drawn all over the wall.
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) > June 28, 2014
#3. Knock-knock jokes
Me: Knock knock.
My 5yo: Who's there?
5yo: Freep what?
Me: Do you know how Knock Knock jokes work?
— Dan Wells (@TheDanWells) > March 9, 2014
4yo wanted to play "Planes" so I gave him his breakfast in little plastic dish with his chair pushed against the wall so he had no legroom.
— JC (@JCautomatic) > March 16, 2014
Following a boring lecture from dad about the price of land my 5yo hit on the brainwave of multi-storey stables > pic.twitter.com/A6nxanKM04
— Philip Boucher-Hayes (@boucherhayes) > March 4, 2014
My 4yo hasn’t stopped talking for 1,381 hours.
— Drew (@DrewExists) > June 28, 2014
#7. Caught in a lie
ME: Did you brush your teeth?
4yo: Yes. But I'll do it again.
caught in a lie
— Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) > June 19, 2014
At breakfast my 5yo told me she was perfect. My reply: A perfect person would know that they weren't perfect.
Chew on that one all day punk
— Matt Connors (@MatthewJConnors) > March 4, 2014
Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
5yo: I don't have any other feet..
Me: Fair enough.
— Kristján. (@Beau_Ruga) > June 29, 2014
Me: Have a cookie!
5yo: Before lunch?
Me: Life's short. Dessert first!
5yo: I'll save it for afters.
Me: Whose child is this? o.O
— Aaron Sikes (@SikesAaron) > June 23, 2014
5yo: Dad, when can I get a pet Dragon?
Me: You know Dragons aren't real, right?
5yo: What's that got to do with anything!?
— tchrquotes (@tchrquotes) > June 23, 2014
3yo: "you mean pardon"
3yo: "you mean pardon"
Me: "I said pardon"
Glad we cleared that up.
— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) > June 14, 2014
#13. Hurt feelings
I think I'd rather get burned alive than have to watch my 5yo cry because I hurt her feelings again.
— Rocco™ (@JestersDead74) > March 5, 2014
4yo standing in front of TV
Me: You know, you make a better door than a window.
Transformation into my father = complete
— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) > June 28, 2014
*#15. Scuba flippers**
Daycare lady: I assume your wife is out of town
Her: You dressed your kids in scuba flippers.
I couldn’t find the shoe bin.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) > February 11, 2014
#16. Closet monsters
To my 6yo,
I'd like to tell you everything is okay but we are dealing with a closet that has a god damn monster in it. Sweet dreams.
— Minivan (@myminivanlife) > February 13, 2014
— Michael Schmidt (@IowaSchmidt) > June 24, 2014
#18. Getting ready
Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) > February 13, 2014
Current status: Getting my eyebrows "waxed" with scotch tape because my 4yo won't take no for an answer.
— Just Brett (@DreamHostBrett) > June 29, 2014
These are funny! I wish Twitter were around when I was a child, would be cool to read what Dad had to say.
Source: good men project