Leilani

By Leilani

LifeBuzz Staff

911 Operators Shared The Dumbest Calls They Ever Received.

Emergency dispatchers are those heroes that pick up our 911 calls and send out the proper authorities to work through our crises. No matter what card they're dealt, dispatchers must be able to respond calmly so they can provide the necessary help.

The situations they deal with include but are not limited to accidents, homicides, robberies, and suicide attempts, everything you've seen on TV but in real life. Any prospective candidate should be able to swiftly and accurately collect personal and location information and find the safest and most effective strategy. They must also be prepared to provide emotional reassurance to listeners, depending on the situation. They redefine what it means to "work well under pressure."

While this is a serious position, one that leads to lives saved, there are some rare moments that you just have to laugh about. Read about some of the funniest 911 calls that dispatchers have ever received below. The one with the blue jeans had me slapping my knee.

Note: Please reserve your 911 calls for real emergencies. Your call could interfere with a life threatening situation.

After the call, this dispatcher sent an officer over to this caller's house so she could be reminded of proper 911 usage.

"Dispatcher: '9-1-1. What's your emergency?'

"Caller: 'How do I get the cranberry sauce out of the can without it coming out in chunks?'

"Dispatcher: 'Open the other end and slide it out on a plate.'

"Caller: 'OH! THANK YOU! You are brilliant!'"

We imagine there was alcohol involved in this one. A shower could have prevented this one.

"Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2 AM saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night."

We imagine there was alcohol involved in this one. A shower could have prevented this one.

FlameFlyNet / Barcroft

A dispatcher of 22+ years advises, "If a caller starts the call with 'I swear I'm not crazy' then you need to buckle up for some insanity."

"A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs," explained the dispatcher.

"[He] was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls."

The dispatcher was informed that a child was being poisoned. Once EMS arrived, they discovered this (hint: you'll be glad you aren't this kid).

"Upon our arrival we find a 14 year old male and his mother. The mother was insisting we take them to the hospital so he could have his stomach pumped because he had swallowed chewing gum. The child was looking at us as if to say, 'I'm sorry my mother is crazy.'

"One year later, same address, same family, called for poisoning. Upon arrival we find the same kid and mother. The mother wanted to be taken to the hospital because the kid had admitted to his mother that he had taken a hit of marijuana when he was visiting friends the week before. The kid had the same look on his face."

The dispatcher was informed that a child was being poisoned. Once EMS arrived, they discovered this (hint: you'll be glad you aren't this kid).

Getty

This might be funny to some people but all women knows what this feels like. Being anywhere alone can be scary, and this includes your own phone.

"We had an old woman call in and say there was two guys dressed in blue trying to break in her house and rape her. So we send about 6 cops over to her house. It turns out it was the gas company reading her gas meter."

This might be funny to some people but all women knows what this feels like. Being anywhere alone can be scary, and this includes your own phone.

Frederic Larson / Chronicle

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