How To Win At Monopoly Every Time, And Lose A Few Friends In The Process.
If you've ever played a long game of Monopoly before, you know the cold, hard truth: The game is virtually impossible to win, it takes hours to play, and by the end of it, your marriage/friendship/etc will be tested to its limits. It's not pretty: It's Monopoly.
One gaming Redditor who goes by the name of Elfer has decided to share his insights on exacerbating the stress of the Monopoly situation, showing you exactly what to do to A) Win the game and B) Piss everyone off. His methods are complex and thoughtful -- not to mention hilarious -- but be warned: After following his Monopoly tips, you might not have anyone left to play with.
First, an intro on why Elfer hates the game.
"If you just want to know how to win, scroll down to 'EARLY GAME: Establishing the first monopoly'. If, after reading the rest of the post, you have questions like "How could you do such a thing?" or "Why would you be so cruel?", this section contains the explanation. For various reasons, I think Monopoly is not that great of a game, but since everyone owns it, it still gets dragged out every once in a while."
Nobody knows how to play it, but despite that fact, he explains that everyone ends up angry with one another.
"Because Monopoly is one of the best-selling games of all time, most of us learned to play it as children. As such, most of us know the basics of going through a turn, such as rolling, moving, buying and improving properties, collecting rent and so on. However, few people know all the rules (more on this later) or how to form a cohesive strategy. This results in games were people more or less roll the dice and go through the motions until somebody wins. Because of the way the game is designed, this inevitably results in one person acquiring a majority of the assets on the board, and beginning the slow, painful, friendship-destroying process of grinding the other players out of the game, turn by turn. This is why Monopoly starts as a fun exciting romp, only to turn into a bitter cesspool of despair."
According to him the rage-inducing nature of the game was intentional.
"Monopoly was, in fact, a rip-off of 'The Landlord's Game,' a game designed decades earlier by Elizabeth Magie, a proponent of Georgism. The game was designed to teach children about the inherent unfairness of the capitalist land-grabbing system, and demonstrate how it enriches landlords while impoverishing tenants. Interestingly, it also included rules for a co-operative, anti-monopolist "Prosperity Game", in which victory was achieved when all players had at least double their original stake."
Here's how to make sure your friends never want to play Monopoly again.
"I like board games, and I play them frequently. When the original Landlord's Game was developed, it was certainly fresh and innovative. However, 110+ years of advancement in the field of game design has produced games that are far superior, packing more strategy, nuance, and fun into a fraction of the play time. Monopoly is, by comparison, a long, boring, unpleasant slog. On the now-rare occasions that people insist I join a game of Monopoly, I play in a way that ensures not only that I'll win, but that they'll be more open to my suggestions for other games in the future."
First, ensure the rule book is handy.
"This strategy involves the use of rules that many people don't know about, and having the rulebook nearby will speed up the process of dealing with the numerous complaints you'll receive during the game."
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